About Obesity.....

<rant>

This is probably going to be an unpopular opinion, but quite frankly I don't give a shit.  I do believe that being obese is a choice.   If you've been reading my posts for the past year then you should be aware that I've struggled with my weight for over 40 years.   Yes, you read that correctly 40 maybe 45 years, so I think I have perspective here.  I got fat because I ate a lot of junk.   Candy, soda, other sweet fattening foods.   You don't think so?   Let me break it down, I would, and DID, eat 1/2 a large pizza or more, drink 2 liter bottles of soda, eat candy bars, fried wings etc...   I can guess why,   I was unhappy about moving, my parents divorce, unpopular with girls etc.....    It doesn't matter.   Some people use drugs or alcohol to feel better about themselves, I used food and as such I ate like a pig and I looked like one.  

Long story short, I've lost weight and gained it back at least five, or maybe six times.  I've weighed well over 300 pounds, had type 2 diabetes, hypertension, high cholesterol, arthritis, joint issues and back pain.

What I can't abide is this nonsense now about "body shaming" and how weight loss works.   If you're fat, you're fat.   Period.  I'm willing to bet most people who are fat are there because they overeat and dont exercise.   No, NOT ALL, but most.  Sure there are people who have medical conditions, but that's a small portion of society.   Humans haven't always been obese, it's a relatively recent change and I believe that our society pushes this on us, and specifically American society.   Fast food is utter garbage and will make you fat.   Most restaurants serve portions that are equivalent to an entire days worth of calories.  We spend all day sitting at our desks, watch television all night, drive everywhere and eat processed food and yet I'm supposed to believe people don't choose to be fat?   And if you think I haven't been made fun of for being fat guess again.   I've been called every name under the sun, and then some.  I asked four, YES FOUR girls to my senior prom and all of them said no, so I know all about feeling humiliated.  I was too proud or ashamed to go solo, so I missed my prom.  Yes it sucked, I cried about it, and it hurt more than I can remember.  So don't tell me being called fat hurts your feelings.   Of course it does.  Grow up.  Life is hard, it frequently sucks, people are mean.   Stop asking society to accomodate you, stop asking society to make excuses for you.  Take responsibility for yourself.

Look, I really don't care what people do, as long as it doesn't directly affect me or my family.   If you want to overeat, do so.  I love food too.  I really do.  It's part of why I wanted to start the food truck, but I had to accept that I can't eat giant portions and be healthy.   That is a fact.  We went on our cruise and I remember seeing someone one morning who was grossly overweight, and this person had 2 full plates of food for breakfast.   Piled high with food.  Maybe two days of calores in one sitting.   I'm sorry, that is a choice.   I too made a choice, I got up a little earlier, went to the gym and did a little exercise and then had some huevos rancheros.  Is the difference clear?    Thanksgiving was last week here in the US.   We went to two thanksgiving dinners, and I ate at both of them, yet I didn't eat until I felt sick like I used to, and I even exercised in the morning.

Listen, I'm not saying what I did will work for everyone, but I refuse to believe that people can't take responsibility for their LIFE DECISIONS, and change them, and it won't work for MOST people.   Everything in life that's meaningful takes time and effort.   I say this all the time, it's easy to get fat.   Eat what you want, don't exercise and see what happens.  However, if you want to lose weight, without drugs which I think is only a short term fix, and keep it off you need to address the reason you're overweight.  I had a friend ask me how I lost weight, and my answer was "a lot of hard work" and that's it.   I do my best to stay accountable to myself and stay disciplined.  It's ok to splurge, eat some dessert, have an extra helping of stuffing or sweet potatoes, but you can't let that snowball back into bad habits, and remember that you still have to burn off those calories at some point, just like if you spend extra money on fun stuff, you still have to sacrifice somewhere else...

</rant>

Happy Halloween

 Halloween is one of those holidays I just don't get.  My family never made a big deal about it, and I never liked dressing up in costume.  Maybe it's because I didn't have any kids of my own, but once I stopped wanting to go trick or treating I stopped looking forward to it.  I have nothing against it, and we get candy for the kids, although we barely see any, but I don't get into costume parties etc...   If that's your thing enjoy, for me I'll pass.   I don't really need or want the candy in the house either.   I'm much better at willpower when there isn't a giant Costco sized bag of chocolate in the house calling to me by name.

So I hit my weight goal this month and it's been different.   I'm definitely eating a bit more and I've been successfully keeping my weight around 225.   It's only been three weeks but it's a start and given past experiences this will be harder than losing the weight.  I did join a pile of challenges through the Echelon community so I'm using those to keep my motivation up, but we're also going up to VA for ten days or so for Thanksgiving and my sister-in-law's 50th birthday.   The good news is she has an echelon bike which I can use, the bad news is they don't cook at all so it's on Merinda and I to make sure we have decent food.  On that note, let's recap what I planned for October:

• Weigh 225
• Ride 450 miles
• Walk 25 miles
• Perfect Month in Apple
• Get the October exercise goal in Apple.
• Finish the TDE

Weight results:

• Starting Weight: 230.90
• Ending Weight: 225.90
• Net Loss: (5.00)
• Total Loss: (102.10)

Exercise info:

• Number of rides: 86
• Time on exercise: 01:06:07:51
• Distance on rides: 537.29
• Number of walks: 10
• Time walking: 06:21
• Distance walking: 18.3

Results:

All things considered, I would have to call this a mixed month.   The good is I hit my overall weight loss goal and have stayed right where I want to be.   I destroyed my mileage goal on the bike, and in fact had my best month yet.  I hit all the apple goals I wanted, including the walking one, which I thought would be difficult.   However I did miss a few things, some by design, some by accident.  I didn't finish the TDE.   Those long hills classes seem very daunting, and typically when I have an "on-demand" day I watch some Picard while doing a just pedal 60.   I also found out that Echelon finally added a group for the 2023 TDE but they didn't credit me for the 17 stages I completed, just the one I did this month, so in order to get the accomplishment I would need to restart it.  I also seem to have missed my walking total again.   Not sure how that came about, because I had to record 30 miles in Apple to get the October award, but it happened and I'm disappointed.

So lets talk about November and what that looks like.

November Goals:

• Maintain Weight
• Ride 450 miles - I am trying to hit 500
• Walk 20 miles
• Perfect Month in Apple
• Apple November exercise goal

I think these are going to start looking familiar.  I'm going to have a few days off the bike this month due to travel so I didn't increase my distance target.   To be honest, I'd like to bump it to 500 miles for this month/next month, but I'm not sure how I can hit that without becoming a complete exercise junkie.  If I took a few more days off, which I probably should, I'd be under 500 this month and I'm not going to set goals that require all out effort to hit.   On a brighter note, I'm in the #longwayup challenge, which is a team based mileage challenge, so that will encourage me to ride further if not always harder, so I might start sacrificing output for distance.   I'm going to try for 500 this month but it's a soft goal, so not reall.  I'm also going to try to walk more, like I do every month, because cross training is important.  The rest should be self-explanatory.  I didn't work my fucking ass off for 10 months to gain it all back so those are lifestyle changes and will be here to stay.

Final thoughts:

I knew this time would come, and I am struggling a little bit.   Not with the exercise motiviation, although a lazy day sounds awesome, but with my diet.  It's hard to sacrifice for almost a year and then continue to sacrifice.   I remember why it was so easy to fall into bad habits now.   It's natural to want to reward yourself, and to be honest I do reward myself.   We went to Berns for dinner, and I ate a lot of food.   Steak, potato, onion soup, salad, pate and bread pudding.   I didn't finish all of it, although I brought 1/2 the steak home, but it was easily the largest meal I've had in a very long time and I just have to keep reminding myself that I can't be a pig.  I still log my food intake and I am on a calorie budget because I need help with that, yes it's 1000 calories/day higher than it was when I was trying to lose weight.   The next two months should be a good test with being away for both Thanksgiving and Christmas as well as my birthday..   Wish me luck!

I've rambled for what seems like a while.   Happy Halloween and talk soon...

One year ago...

 I know I'm almost at the end of the month, and normally I might have waited for a few more days but I was reminded of the actual event that triggered my desire to affect change and thought I'd share it.

You see it was one year ago, October 28th 2022 that Merinda and I went to see a band play at the Woodwright.   It was a Grateful Dead inspired event that she found for me and she even dressed up in a "costume" of sorts.   Normally the type of event I would enjoy, but I couldn't.  I was in such bad shape that standing for more than 20 minutes, yes the event was standing room only, was effectively impossible for me, and I was in severe pain and we had to go find somewhere for me to sit down.

John and Merinda Oct. 2022

The thought of becoming a cripple at 54 years old was a very sobering moment for me.   I would say "what about in 10 years", but the reality was that I was going to be a crippled in five if I didn't make some changes and make them quickly.

Sick

I have to admit that I've been lucky about getting sick this year.   I haven't been sick since around New Years when I had the flu, no it wasn't Covid, I was supposed to see the doctor and was tested and it came back for flu-b.  I assumed it was Covid, but I seem to attract the flu on cruises.   Regardless of past history, getting sick is never fun and while I'm grateful that I don't get sick often, it's still no fun and this is an inopportune time.  Matthew turns thirty this week and Merinda wants to go see him, and as she got sick first we're hoping it's not Covid, and it doesn't seem like it, stuffy nose and light congestion.  I'm pretty sure it's just a cold, but in the covid era everyone jumps to the assumption that it's Covid.   That's what I did in January too, but the seasons are changing and its that time of year.   Family is important, but that's not the focus here and this is also less than ideal for me.  You see I just started two, yes two, challenges to help keep me motivated to workout.   One is a weekly challenge to do three or more thirty minute workouts and the other is a team based distance challenge.

So....   Long story short the alarm went off this morning and I decided to skip the 8am cadence class.   I was feeling ok yesterday and last night but it was a little too much this morning.   I'm definitely feeling less than 100% and have a stuffy nose and cough.  I have backup classes I like to take in case I just miss early ones for work, but feeling .  I just have to figure out how to pull my weight in my team challenge, and get two more thirty minute workouts in this week.   I know, first world problems, but I'm not trying to solve world peace, just stay fit.

Overtraining

 Yes, I'm posting a bit more but I'm trying to figure out my path so, as Merinda would say, bear with me...   I've been thinking about over training lately and whether I've fallen into that trap.   I pushed very hard at the end to get to my target weight and that's left me feeling drained.   Now add in that I'm fitter than I've been for a while and some distance goals and I find myself needing to work out more and more right at the point where I want to add some rest days in and do other activities like walking in lieu of a day on the bike.   You see, I've wanted to compete in a triathalon since the 90's.   Back when I was running I knew I couldn't be competitive at my age group in a run, but I could bike and swim, so I thought a triathalon might be fun.   No, I have no aspirations on an ironman or anything like that, but a sprint triathalon (5k run, .5 mile swim and 25-30 mile bike)?   Sure.

That's going to mean time off the bike.   That means my bike workouts need to be longer to meet my 450 mile goal.   Now I'm not planning on starting triathalon training today, or even this month, I am planning on days off.   Even at one day off per week I'll need to average slightly over 18 miles/day to hit my goal this month.

Here's the problem.   Although I felt strong today, it was a really nice change but probably due to a decent nights sleep and a fair amount of protien and carbs yesterday, it hasn't been my recent experience.   I was fatigued on Friday and Sunday and only did a 30 minute low impact on Saturday trying to give myself a break.  I felt overworked all of last week, but that could have been stress.

It's just shaping up to be a tough month.   I still need to walk two miles eleven more times this month, the good part is I get to eat more.   Maybe more just pedal 60's or long endurance rides and fewer 20's which goes well with the long distance challenge starting on the 15th.

Let's see how this week goes....  

Goal achieved...

I expected to hit my weight goal this month, but I didn't expect to hit it in the first week, and with everything else going on it feels a little bittersweet and anti-climactic.  Regardless, I was  surprised this morning when I weighed under 225.   By the way, Lose It if you see this, maybe you should make those milestones something that shows up.   I got something at every milestone except for the ones where you hit your goal, or even the weight lost.  For the record this is approximately one hundred pounds I've lost.   Probably a little more from my peak, but I didn't get on the scale then.

So, where do I go from here?

Well, my plan is to make this the exception and keep the weight off.   How do I plan to do that?  I'm going to continue to target 30+ minutes of exercise a day, weigh myself, and continue to log my meals.   Those are changes from previous times when I've lost weight.   Normally I "celebrate" and almost immediately start going back to where I was.   To avoid that I've done a few things to help me along with this.   First was buying an actual bike.   We're in nice weather season here in Florida and I should be able to go for an actual ride next weekend.  Second was joining the distance challenge through Echelon.   I'm on a team and I do better when there's either competition or someone is relying on me.   I'm going to continue to do those.   Third is Merinda wants to get a little more fit, so we're starting to go for walks and I'm very happy to swap some riding days for those.  In line with that I'm considering changing my workout routine and swap in some evening rides instead of only the morning.   Yeah, I prefer morning rides, but I did a few evening rides over the past two weeks and remembered that I like those instructors too.   So, I might have to add in a Tuesday/Thursday night ride.

That brings me to my last topic today and it's fatigue.  I accepted this at the end of September because I was pushing myself very hard to hit my targets, but I didn't expect to feel shattered this morning.   Janet's class felt a little hard and I got into zone 5, but it wasn't until I got into Sam's class that I crashed.   I struggled with the arms and then could barely keep myself going during the intervals and if I'm being honest I thought I might have to quit.  I fought my way through the rest of the morning but damn...   Yeah I worked out last night, and can accept my arms/shoulders being shredded but not sure about the bike workout.  It's not like I really stretched myself here.  I'm going to take it easy tomorrow, go to yoga in the morning and maybe try a low impact ride afterwards, and then do my normal Sunday workout, and maybe I just need some days to recover.   One thing I did last night was to take a bath with some muscle soak in it.   It felt great but my blood pressure was pretty low afterwards and it took me a while to stop sweating afterwards.   I guess I'm just a sweaty bastard and if my BP keeps crashing I'll talk to the doctor again.

Anyway, on to the next episode...   Have a great weekend and talk soon!

Loss

 The past 24 hours have been pretty rough here.   I've been planning to start a business with a friend of mine who happens to be an outstanding chef.  I'm not exaggerating, he is truly gifted.  So we've been talking about it and finally started planning this year.   Earlier this summer we put things in motion and he came to Florida to start kicking the tires.

What I didn't know was that he has a serious drinking problem.   The kind of problem where you can't stop once you start.

We closed our eyes to it because we thought "he's on a mini vacation... Once we start working it will get better"..

Fast forward to last month and he arrives.  First thing he wants to do is drink...   Ok, fine we're celebrating the launch of the business...  He spends 2-3 days drunk/hungover and then we get going.   Get licensed, get inspected, all that stuff.   Meanwhile he's still having benders every 5-7 days, yes in three weeks we had three benders, all of which went 2-3 days.  I feel like I can't relax at home because if I have a drink I have to offer him one, but I don't need to get wasted every night, nor do I want to finish every bottle I open, and to be honest we were over after effects.   I might have dealth with the drunk time, but it was the mood swings and all around shitty attitude we couldn't take.

It's a last weekend and we're finally set for an event this coming Friday.  We're having a nice relaxing Sunday talking about the event, making some snacks for football, and he starts drinking beer.   Two beers in he goes "Lets drink tonight!"   I say no because of all the above, plus I don't want a hangover on Monday for work.   He sighs, then goes and buys a handle of vodka.   Proceeeds to drink half that night and the other half once he got up on Monday.   Tries to do some work on Monday but kept drinking and passed out in the afternoon.   Missed all the planned work activities on Tuesday either sleeping, or sulking or watching videos.   Finally, around 6pm Merinda and I confront him and he couldn't give a shit.   Made no effort to say he was sorry, wrong, hell anything beyond asking "what did you do today?".   Mind you I was ordering items for the popup *and* working my 9-5 which is funding the startup.   At that point I lost it and pulled the plug on the business and after a day of him sulking and not talking to use he finally left this evening.   This was every bit as awkward and unpleasant as you can imagine.  It wasn't dissimiliar from the last time I saw my first wife when she moved out of our home.

As I commented to someone, it's one thing to have a friend who's an addict, it's something different to have it be a business partner that you have to rely on.   He was the chef and chief food guy, he made all the decisions yet I was told I was controlling.

I have an alcoholic father, I was in my 30's when I told him he wasn't welcome to be in my life anymore because he behaved like my friend (yes dad got sober).   My wife has an alcoholic mother who also behaves like this and neither of us wanted to be someone's nanny.  I don't want to worry that this is the weekend where he won't be able to work and fucks up our business, and as I learned it won't be the first time.

Regardless, I'm feeling pretty low.  Yes the business failure is disappointing, but more importantly I've lost a friend that I've known for over a decade and I just hope he finds help before he ends up in a worse place...

Hug your loved ones....   Be safe....